Don’t Worry, Be Happy with Your Tennessee Divorce in 5 Easy Steps

Is it possible to be happy and not worry about your Tennessee divorce?

Is it possible to be happy and not worry about your Tennessee divorce? Yes!

Tempered happiness perhaps, but the answer is “Yes.” With the right frame of mind going into the process, most people make it through divorce with mind, heart, and spirit intact. That is not to say that there will not be emotional challenges. By preparing for those tensions, though, living through the end of your marriage can be far less draining. With the promise of life after divorce being much happier.

Consider the lyrics of Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t Worry, Be Happy which have application in just about every difficult situation:

Here’s a little song I wrote

You might want to sing it note for note

Don’t worry, be happy

In every life we have some trouble

When you worry you make it double

Don’t worry, be happy

Don’t worry, be happy now

…

                        McFerrin (1988)

Trying to remain “happy now” when it feels as though your world is on the wash cycle may seem like an impossibility, but it isn’t just McFerrin who thinks worrying can double your troubles.

Dr. Lisa Kaplan, a psychologist and certified life coach, has a few thoughts on how to have a happy divorce or, in the alternative, a happier divorce. (That is, unless you prefer to hold on to your misery, blame, unhappiness, resentment, and regret.)

Here are two tips from Kaplan’s recommendations when in the midst of divorce:

1. “Change your story.”

How we describe our circumstances when events seem uncontrollable can be limiting, trapping. Instead of reflecting on divorce as the worst thing that has ever happened in your life (or near worst), work at being more positive. Reflect on the good consequences, regardless of how insignificant they may seem at first. If this is asking too much, write down a few phrases that capture your right to a happier future. As Kaplan says, tell a “new story, write it, repeat it, and own it.”

2. “Fake it until you make it.”

This is where you hum Bobby McFerrin’s tune, bringing yourself back to simple joys and a brighter future. Time does work wonders in healing wounds, but you can speed up the clock by putting a smile on your face despite everything that is going on. When painful emotions start to surface, shift your focus to something comforting. Your children, family members, and friends want to see you happy. Work at it and you won’t disappoint them or yourself. And if you cannot fathom what would raise your spirits, Kaplan says to “find out what makes you happy, not just how you can make others happy. This will be one of the most important skills of your life.”

We’ve added a couple more to the good doctor’s list…

3. Familiarize yourself with Tennessee’s divorce process.

Child custody, child support, alimony, property division, grounds for divorce, all of these issues are multi-faceted. Learn as much as you can about those matters likely to be raised in your divorce.

Start by reading about the Tennessee Divorce Process:  How Divorces Work Start to Finish. Without a doubt, one of the best stress reducers is to know what is coming down the pike so you can prepare yourself mentally to handle it. Knowing as much or more than your spouse could have its advantages, too, when it comes to divorce strategy.

4. Seek professional counseling.

When we struggle with grief and resentment, every moment of every day can be overly burdensome. If you cannot let go of the past, consider professional counseling. Visit our directory of Tennessee counselors and therapists for professional marriage and divorce support.

5. Maintain personal accountability.

You have to live with you, so avoid taking the low road in a misguided attempt to hurt your spouse in the divorce. Attempting to punish the other party through divorce litigation is never a good idea, something an experienced family attorney knows all too well. Throughout the legal process, and certainly afterward if there are minor children to co-parent, maintain personal accountability. You have control over your actions and decisions within the confines of what the law allows. Be ethical in how you communicate and interact with others. In how you spend your time. And in how you care for yourself and respond to difficult situations.

You may not be able to stop the end of your marriage, but you can control how you travel through the experience and move on with your life thereafter.