Escape Plan: Tips for Victims Leaving Domestic Violence

As part of your escape plan, here are action lists for victims leaving domestic violence in and around Memphis, Germantown, Collierville and Bartlett, Tennessee.  Call the Family Safety Center.  Get to a shelter if necessary.  Plan to leave the abuser.  Grab and take important items with you.  Below are tips for dealing with your Order of Protection, keeping safe after leaving the domestic violence abuser and safety tips at work and in public.

Your Escape Plan for Leaving Domestic Violence

First, call or visit Family Safety Center for help:  www.familysafetycenter.org/

901-222-4400
1750 Madison Ave.
Suite 600
Memphis, TN 38104

The Family Safety Center have great people with experience helping others in exactly your situation.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=fB25sYqjgGs

Get safe now where the abuser can’t find you – not at your home, work, your parent’s home or some other obvious location.

  • If you have nowhere to go and can’t afford a hotel, ask a police officer (or call the Family Safety Center) to take you and your children to a secret domestic violence shelter.
  • Know that 70% of domestic violence homicides happen around the time of separation because the abuser feels there is nothing else to lose.
  • Obtain a protective order.  View our video series, How to Obtain an Order of Protection.
  • Hire an experienced family lawyer.

Before leaving the abuser, prepare for a violent incident:

  1. Pack an overnight bag and store it with a close friend, relative or neighbor.  Be sure to include copies of important documents (listed below).
  2. Tell neighbors about the violence, and ask them to call the police if they notice or hear a disturbance.  Tell family and friends about the abuse.  Ask for help.
  3. Have a plan. Plan for the worst.   Know where you will go if and when you decide to leave your home.  Even if you don’t believe it is possible, plan as if your spouse will try and kill you and your children.
  4. Stockpile cash.  Keep it in a safe place.  You will need it.
  5. Never move into a remote area.  Be near people and activity.

Checklist of items you should have with you when you leave the domestic violence abuser:

  1. Cash – as much as possible and more than you think you will need
  2. Driver’s license, birth certificate and passport
  3. Cell phone
  4. Children’s birth certificates
  5. Photos of the abuser
  6. Social Security cards
  7. Medications and prescriptions
  8. Health insurance cards information
  9. Protective order – if you have one already
  10. House and car keys  (all car keys you can find)
  11. Divorce and custody papers
  12. Address book
  13. Lease/rental agreement
  14. Change of clothes for you and children
  15. Lists of account numbers/usernames/passwords

Safety with a protective order:

  1. Always keep a copy of your protective order with you, including in your car, at work, at home and with close relatives.
  2. Inform family members, friends and neighbors that you have a protective order in effect.
  3. Call the police at 9-1-1 if your abuser violates the protective order.
  4. Always have a backup plan you can use while waiting on the police to respond.
  5. Always ask for police report numbers after calling the police.
  6. Go to the nearest police station.  Talk to the desk clerk.  Tell them your situation.  Ask for advice.  Request police cars drive by your residence and check on you.

Tips after leaving the domestic violence abuser:

  1. Use cash.
  2. Change all of your accounts and establish new usernames and passwords that are secure (do not use children’s names or pet’s names).
  3. Assume your old computer has spyware on it.  Don’t use it.  Consider getting a new one.
  4. Get a new cell phone and number.  Smart phone have GPS tracking that can be turned on by someone in control of the account.
  5. If you use an ATM, use it well away from where you are staying.  Avoid using joint credit cards that your spouse can cross-reference to your location as your charges are posted.  That may be researched over the Internet.
  6. Keep windows and doors locked.
  7. Develop a safety plan with your children.  Teach them what to do if the abuser shows up without you there.
  8. Tell all of your friends and family about the abuse and the threat.  Silence is the abuser’s best weapon.  Establish check in times with your most trusted friends and family.
  9. Inform your children’s school, day care or anyone who cares for your children which individuals have permission to pick up your children.
  10. Inform your neighbors if your abuser no longer lives with you, and ask them to call the police should they see the abuser.
  11. Keep your new address a secret.
  12. Request to have your telephone number unlisted/unpublished.
  13. Never call the abuser from your new home to tell them where you live.
  14. Stay off of social media.  Period.
  15. Change your patterns.  If you always go somewhere on Wednesday nights, like Bible study, don’t.
  16. Preserve all e-mails and texts that document threats and/or crazy talk from the abuser.  You may need this as evidence in court.

Domestic violence safety tips on the job and in public:

  1. Have someone with you at all times.
  2. Notify your supervisor and the human relations manager about the circumstances regarding your situation.
  3. Try to not go to work for as long as possible.  Your workplace is an obvious place to find you.  Discuss with your employer your options available to you, e.g., scheduling, safety precautions, employee/family assistance benefits.
  4. Use a variety of routes to and from home each day.
  5. At work, inform management, a co-worker and security of your situation, and if possible, provide them with a picture of your abuser.
  6. If possible, make arrangements to have calls screened.
  7. Submit a recent photo of the perpetrator to your safety manager in the event of a confrontation at work.
  8. Request that all information be treated with confidence to provide for your safety and well-being.
  9. Ask security to walk you to your car every night.
  10. Don’t park in garages with dark corners and secluded areas for the abuser to hide.  Garages are very dangerous.

Resources, references and more:

 

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