Mr. Mom Stigma Keeps Tennessee Dads from Taking on Role as Primary Residential Parent

There are many reasons why Dad might defer to the child’s mother for the role of primary residential parent. However, fear of being pigeon-holed as a modern-day Mr. Mom should not be one of them.

Residential Parenting Schedule in the Tennessee Parenting Plan

The Tennessee parenting plan’s residential parenting schedule identifies the child’s primary residential parent (PRP) as either Mom or Dad. The designation is clarified by the number of days per year each parent will have the child with him or her.

Scene from “Mr. Mom” with Michael Keaton as the stay-at-home Dad (1983)

Neither party has PRP priority per se, so either parent may sign up for the job as the child’s primary caretaker.

While negotiating child custody as part of their divorce, the parents may reach agreement on who shall wear the mantle of PRP. However, if the spouses cannot settle this important issue between themselves, even after custody mediation, then the court will decide for them. In that context, it could be an uphill battle against the Mr. Mom stigma for some Dads.

Fearing the Stigma of Mr. Mom

A recent article in Today made several points about how Dads Struggle to Shake Mr. Mom Syndrome. If the survey relied on in the article is any indication, the guys have an uphill battle.

In the year 2014, at a time when gender roles are truly up in the air and open to wide interpretation, most Americans may still believe the man’s primary obligation to his family is as the bread-winner. In the 2013 Study of Changing Gender Perceptions from Insights for Marketing, 3,400 American men (1,700) and women (1,700) between the ages of 18 and 67 were surveyed regarding their views on gender roles.

Based upon the Gender Perceptions survey, there is a substantial disconnect between what working-age Americans view as acceptable roles for men versus those for women.

Concluding that “women are no longer expected to be fulltime caretakers, but men are still expected to financially provide for their families,” survey results showed 26% of women and 22% of men believe it is a woman’s primary duty to be the main caretaker. By contrast, 41% of women and 57% of men believed it is a man’s primary duty to financially support his family.

Some additional gender conclusions were:

● “Traditional gender roles are seen as outdated by the majority of Americans.”

● “50 years of women’s liberation has led to a shift in societal expectations for women.”

● “Despite this shift, there is still an expectation that a man’s primary duty is to financially provide for his family.”

● “The pressure to embrace the traditional male gender role is more male driven than female driven.”

On the one hand, women are encouraged to pursue so-called nontraditional roles in the workplace. On the other hand, men are encouraged to maintain traditional roles for husbands and fathers – to be financial anchors for their families.

When a father chooses to be his child’s main caregiver, in opposition with Dad’s traditional gender role, he risks facing the intractable Mr. Mom stigma. That is, if a man stays home as primary caregiver, then he must be: a) unemployed, b) unsuccessful, c) working from home, d) looking for a job, or e) taking financial advantage of the mother.

Dads Are Primary Residential Parents, Too

Being the PRP means Dad is there for the little accomplishments, joys, developmental stages and challenges, illnesses and emergencies, and endless duties associated with being a stay-at-home parent.

Many spouses, including those working through divorce, may agree that their child is better off spending more parenting time with Dad than with Mom. If Mom pursues a career, is it not in the child’s best interests to be raised primarily by a willing father in lieu of endless hours at daycare?

Is Daycare Better Than Dad-Care?

Many Tennessee fathers have chosen to become primary caregivers, especially when the only alternative is leaving their little ones at daycare. Regardless of whether Dad works from home, is employed part time, or is on hiatus from work altogether, the benefits of Dad-care often exceed those of daycare.

The parent who has the child most during parenting time and who is designated the PRP can be either Mom or Dad. There should be no Mr. Mom stigma attached when Dad steps up to the plate and takes on the responsibilities of child care. Raising a family is no easy business. Yes, there are many rewards, but the work is relentless. Tennessee fathers who accept the challenges of being primary residential parents deserve kudos, not criticism.

Memphis TN Parenting Time Attorney

Dads should discuss their parenting objectives and concerns with an experienced Tennessee child custody lawyer. The Miles Mason Family Law Group handles Tennessee divorce, child support, alimony, child custody, and parent relocation. Download our free e-Book, Your First Steps: 7 Steps Planning Your Tennessee Divorce. A Memphis divorce lawyer from the Miles Mason Family Law Group can help. To schedule your confidential consultation, call us today at (901) 683-1850.