Emotional Consequences of Divorce on Children May Not Be So Bad

Almost every Tennessee divorce will have an emotional impact on the children. The good news is that the negative emotional consequences of a marital break-up may not be long-lasting for kids, as many once feared.

Studies show most children recover well from the emotional rollercoaster of their parent’s divorce

In a recent Scientific American article co-authored by psychology professors Hal Arkowitz (Univ. of Arizona) and Scott O. Lilienfeld (Emory University) – Is Divorce Bad for Children? – the authors provide encouraging news for divorcing parents.

Dealing with Their Parents’ Divorce Is Tough at First

According to the authors, researchers have found that children are truly remarkable in their ability to bounce back from the upheaval divorce causes in their family.

Many children, if not most, are confused by divorce. Their initial reactions may vary in degree, but include sorrow and guilt, as well as “anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief.” The end of a marriage and their family as they know it represents a profound change in circumstances for young people, regardless of tender age or maturity. Children’s emotional needs and best interests should be handled with great care by parents and by the court. (To learn more about Tennessee’s best interest of the child standard, take a moment to read: How Is the Child’s Best Interest in Custody Cases Determined?)

According to Arkowitz and Lilienfeld, those intense initial reactions are likely to dissipate for most children after two years or so have passed. Of course, some boys and girls will continue to struggle for longer periods of time. But for many young people, in a couple years those heightened emotions will be gone altogether.

Interestingly, with parents in a high conflict marriage, a significant number of children from “high-discord” homes were actually relieved when divorce ended the constant fighting and arguing. By contrast, other studies show that children who experienced minimal discord in the home (and who were not fully cognizant of their parents’ marital strife) may not recover so quickly. This goes back to the shock and disbelief many children experience when they learn that Mommy and Daddy are separating. While the child from the high-conflict family may be reassured with news of divorce; a child from a no-conflict family may be blind-sided, stunned with news that his parents are splitting up.

In the Long Run, Most Kids Do Well After Divorce

Studies also indicate that, in the long run, children of divorce do just as well as their counterparts from intact families. As kids from so-called ‘broken homes’ develop and mature, researchers who followed their “academic achievement, emotional and behavior problems, delinquency, self-concept and social relationships” determined that these children of divorce were on near equal-footing with kids from intact families.

Even after the first two years, some children will continue to have problems adjusting to life after their parents’ marriage ends, but the majority of them will not. Kids have a tremendous ability to bounce back, even from divorce.

Help Your Child Recover from Divorce

On average, children recover more quickly when their parents are not involved in a high-conflict divorce. Children also bounce back more readily when the primary residential parent is functioning as a well-adjusted adult. If the PRP is struggling to cope with the new lifestyle sans spouse, then he or she should consider seeking guidance from a trusted advisor or counselor.

Just as every divorce is a unique experience for the parties, every child responds differently to the change in family structure. Always be tuned into your children’s needs and consider professional family counseling to get through the rough times.

Memphis TN Divorce Attorney

The Miles Mason Family Law Group handles Tennessee divorce, child support, alimony, child custody, and parent relocation. Download our free e-Book, Your First Steps: 7 Steps Planning Your Tennessee Divorce. A Memphis divorce lawyer from the Miles Mason Family Law Group can help. To schedule your confidential consultation, call us today at (901) 683-1850.