Pros and Cons of Playing with Boy Toys After Tennessee Divorce

Dating, meeting people, making new friends, reconnecting with past acquaintances, and re-establishing an adult social life are all part of moving on after your divorce. When you are ready to start dating again, there are a few pros and cons to consider, preferably before some hot boy toy obscures your rational thinking.

For many, the divorce leaves an open emotional wound that needs to be respected, tended, and given time to heal. (There are many ways to do that, of course.) You have been through a lot of stress in your divorce and getting back into the dating scene can offer a terrific release of pent-up tensions.

There is a big difference, though, between cutting loose and getting seriously involved in a new relationship. Oftentimes the former leads to the latter, which may be premature. The new man in your life may seem “very special” when, truthfully, he is just offering some good times with a little emotional support. It would not be wise to confuse the two. If you cannot hold back your heart, then you may want to resist temptation and avoid any serious dating developments. Having said that…

Are You Ready to Re-Launch Your Social Life?

Here are a few thoughts to help take the stress out of dating after divorce (and still ensure that you have a rockin’ good time):

1. Don’t confuse finding a date with finding a mate.

No one expects you to be celibate (except perhaps your ex), but that doesn’t mean leaping into a new relationship is a good idea either. You can have a fine time without falling into an exclusive arrangement with someone you have only recently started seeing. There is another twist, too. You may desire more from the relationship than does the fellow you are dating. You probably know this already, but men are not always with the program (for them, sometimes it is just about the date).

2. Embracing your singleness.

You’re single again so, naturally, you want to hang out with other single people. Start networking. Get involved in activities that interest you, such as joining a fitness club or competing in local 5K road races. When you meet people there, you’ll have at least one common interest to be enthusiastic about. On the other hand, you may meet people there that are a little too enthusiastic and competitive (sometimes a girl just wants to have fun).

3. Returning to happy hour.

Hitting the bar with the gals for happy hour snacks and cocktails can be a great way to blow off steam at the end of a busy workday and, certainly, there will be plenty of males hanging around ready to meet and greet. Test the waters and chat with an interesting guy in a place where there is no pressure to do anything more than talk, sip on your drink, and eat a few raw vegetables. Of course, it could turn out that he’s “in an open marriage” or “recently divorced, too.”  (Turn and run.)

4. Speed dating.

There’s the speed dating experience if you want to keep it really light. You’ll join a group of people capable of reducing their lives into a 10-minute plot summary. A lot of men of various ages, backgrounds, and interests enjoy speed dating, but you may need to work at translating guy talk. “I’m a pilot (in a video game),” “I’m on sabbatical from work (I’m unemployed),” “My name is Johnny (I have a big gun),” “So tell me about yourself (in 15 seconds or less).” Grab your drink and move on to the next table.

5. Online dating.

Online dating can be a great way to meet people, including criminals. You can chat without ever meeting face-to-face. You learn about the person’s background and interests before you agree to meet in a public place. Of course, what people say about themselves online and the image they choose to project may be more than mere puffery. (“Funny, but you don’t look anything like your picture.”)

6. Blind dating.

There’s always the blind date set-up, which can work out really well or really not. (“You’re into Zombie walking? Where exactly do you do that?”) You may wish you were on a date with a real Zombie.

Learn the Difference Between a Good Time and Commitment

Now that you are on the other side of divorce, you may desire some adult companionship. Be cautious about jumping into another relationship so soon after exiting your marriage. Take time to gather yourself as a single woman again, before you draw someone new into your life.

Do you have a post-divorce dating story to share? Post a comment about your thoughts and experiences with dating after divorce.

TN Divorce? Contact the Miles Mason Family Law Group

Memphis divorce attorney Miles Mason, Sr., practices family law exclusively and is founder of the Miles Mason Family Law Group, PLC. Check out The Tennessee Divorce Client’s Handbook: What Every Divorcing Spouse Needs to Know, available on Amazon and Kindle. To schedule your confidential consultation, call us today at (901) 683-1850.