Set Goals for Each Stage in the Tennessee Divorce Process
Set goals for each stage in the Tennessee divorce process
If you haven’t thought about your divorce strategy, then you probably haven’t thought about setting goals in your Collierville, Tennessee, divorce either. The two are closely tied.
Have You Thought About Divorce Strategy?
Consider the mother of three who hasn’t decided whether she wants the children to remain in the same school system or whether she wants to relocate to Memphis where her employment opportunities are better. The 63-year-old man who’s been married 35 years and plans to retire in 18 months, but is wholly unprepared for the impact an alimony obligation will have on his pension. Or the twenty-something father who desires more than every-other-weekend visitation with his son, in fact he wants equal parenting time.
Until you’ve contemplated every issue in the divorce and reflected on what the optimum results would be, you will continue to have difficulty communicating your desires to your lawyer. (Contrary to common belief, divorce attorneys are not clairvoyant.)
A divorce lawyer without clear objectives will find his ability to strategize impeded by your inability to be decisive. There is no time for floundering in a divorce, important decisions about the division of marital property, child custody, alimony, and child support must be made in due course.
How to Set Goals in Your Divorce
We are talking about your life, your children’s future, and the other parent’s ongoing relationship with the children. So the question is, how do you begin setting goals for your divorce? Here is a little help to get you started:
1. Learn About Tennessee Divorce Law and Procedure.
Before you commit to a particular strategy, you need to do some reading about Tennessee divorce law. In any divorce, some things are possible, some things are mandatory, and some things are impossible. You can save yourself a lot of heartache by learning what is possible before you begin setting imperatives.
For example, there is no legal basis for child support in the absence of minor children or pregnancy of a spouse. Another example of asking for the impossible is to request alimony for the very first time after the divorce has already been finalized. When Tennessee alimony is not part of the final decree of divorce, it’s too late to seek such an award. That window of opportunity is closed for good. So you can anticipate what will be happening in your divorce, take a look at the Tennessee Divorce Process: How Divorces Work Start to Finish.
2. Short-term vs. Long-term Goals.
Understand the practical difference between short-term goals and long-term goals. Short-term goals are necessarily more flexible, for one. Immediate objectives should move you closer to achieving your long-term goals. For example, if you want to finish your nursing degree program (short-term goal) to earn more money (long-term goal), then you may want your divorce lawyer to pursue rehabilitative alimony.
3. Write Your Goals Down on Paper.
The pressures that accompany divorce can unsettle, confuse, and destabilize the most stoic of individuals. For many couples, conflict is intense. Surrendering to emotions, abandoning long-term goals, and losing sight of what is paramount could have disastrous consequences. For instance, shifting from the appropriate desire of doing what is in the children’s best interests, to the inappropriate desire of doing whatever will hurt the other parent.
By writing your goals down on paper, both long- and short-term, you improve your ability to stay on task when the when “the heat is on.” Perhaps your long-term objective is to be the children’s primary residential parent, with the short-term goal of remaining in the marital home for another two years until the youngest graduates high school. Should custody be contested, refer to your list as a way to stay on track. If the marital residence must be sold, for example, then your attorney’s fall back strategy may be to negotiate additional child support, enough to rent a different home in the same neighborhood.
4. Imagine How Your Life Should Be.
Such a simple thing, imagining what you want your life to be like after the divorce. Yet so many people cannot see where they are going. The upheaval of divorce can cloud one’s vision, making it difficult for many to even conceive of a different life. Especially one that includes happiness, security, and freedom from the problems that dragged the marriage down.
If you are unable to set goals because you cannot imagine life after divorce, then consider meeting with a divorce counselor who can help you envision the possibilities. Divorce seldom offers a panacea and typically involves tremendous change. Preparing for change in a healthy way and learning how to discuss goals with your lawyer are both crucial to achieving a desirable outcome, or as close to it as is possible given the circumstances.
Knowing what you want doesn’t necessarily mean you will get it. But the odds in your favor could improve significantly by focusing your attention, and your lawyer’s legal acumen, on what is most important over the long haul.
Getting Help with Your Collierville, Tenn., Divorce
The Miles Mason Family Law Group handles Tennessee divorce, child support, alimony, child custody, and parent relocation. Download our free e-Book, Your First Steps: 7 Steps Planning Your Tennessee Divorce. A Memphis divorce lawyer from the Miles Mason Family Law Group can help. To schedule your confidential consultation, call us today at (901) 683-1850.
