Correlation Between Unemployment and Tennessee Divorce: Moving Forward

Honey, We Seem to Have a Bad Connection

Correlation Between Unemployment and Tennessee Divorce

You just got bad news – you are among the newly unemployed. Your relationship with your spouse starts to change a little, then a lot. If you’re the unemployed husband in this scenario, you might think your wife doesn’t understand the stress and embarrassment you feel. You also might think that she’s goading you pretty hard about getting another job. After all, you’re trying your best. If you’re a stay-at-home-wife or an employed wife in this scenario, you might be thinking that all he does is sit around and mope. You also may be thinking you didn’t bargain for someone watching television all day, and now you have a keen eye on the dwindling bank account. What are the chances this marriage is going to end up in divorce?

The answer depends on which study you believe. Several studies show that while the unemployment rate after 1980 has increased, the divorce rate has actually dropped. Other studies show that while unemployment has increased after 1980, the breakup rate depended on marital satisfaction overall; if the spouses were generally happy in their marriage, the strain of unemployment did not necessarily cause a divorce.

The way to reconcile these different studies is to see what they’re really saying. In the first study, money played an important factor in keeping couples in the same household even if there were marital issues. With the shortage of money came the realization that the couple could not afford two households or the cost of a divorce. Many couples end up cohabiting and not living as a couple. The stories you’ve heard about the husband living downstairs and the wife living upstairs are not exaggerations. Many couples have tried to work out arrangements to stay together because of money, not out of faith in the marriage or even love.

In a different study, it depended on who became unemployed. If the husband was unemployed, the wife was more likely to stay with the husband if she was otherwise happy in her marriage. She was more likely to find an exit strategy if she was employed and had the money to do so if she was not overly satisfied with the marriage. If the wife was unemployed, husbands were more likely to stay in the marriage if they were generally satisfied with the marriage.

It is interesting to note that not one of these studies indicates a percentage of divorces which occur after unemployment. Perhaps it is not an easy statistic to get – leaving the marriage based on a divorce may not translate to an exact statistic but rather on an overall observation. One thing that is important though, which cannot be measured by statistics, is the amount of stress a spouse’s unemployment puts on the marriage.

How to avoid stress in the marriage during unemployment

Stress accompanies unemployment. It’s unavoidable. You’re both keeping an eye on the bank account, checking your finances and worrying about them. Sleep patterns may be disrupted because of financial worries. You might find your unemployed spouse slipping into a depression or at least showing signs of sadness, which can include not doing very much, having trouble getting out of bed, and staying in a room with the shades down. It can also include loss of appetite, inability to sleep, and a change in behavior, such as keeping silent or talking too much about being unemployed. There are some things you can both do to minimize the strain on your marriage.

If you are the unemployed spouse, and for the sake of clarity we’ll say you’re the husband, it is understandable to feel down. After all, you may feel like the job loss has been a big blow to your ego as well as your finances. If you were the major breadwinner, you will probably feel it even more than if you were an equal contributor or a part-time contributor. These feelings are all normal, but they’re not healthy. While this is the time to talk to a therapist, it’s also when you can least afford it. Find alternate solutions, such as going to a free support group or talk to someone at your house of worship. Find groups where there are out-of-work professionals or out-of-work people in your age bracket. These groups do exist – you just have to find them. Sometimes some of the hospitals may host some groups, so check in your area. Yes, real men talk to therapists and attend support groups all the time.

Make a checklist of what you should do each day. That means getting out of bed at a decent hour and start job searching. Try to spend at least two hours per day on job searching. If you can’t do it all at once, break it up into smaller segments, like an hour at a time. It may be frustrating, but you won’t get a job by sitting at home. Get those resumes out. After a while, you’ll start hearing from some companies. It might not be right away, but you could get a call in three months from a resume you submit today.

Try to limit your television watching. There’s nothing more depressing than sitting around watching television when you yearn to be at work. Do something productive. Help your wife around the house. Ask what she would like help with – that may go a long way towards keeping your marriage on solid ground. If she says you’re getting in her way, make sure to stay out of it. Listen to her cues.

If you’re the stay-at-home wife or employed wife, don’t get on your husband’s case all the time. He knows he’s unemployed. Believe me, he knows. He may, however, need a little prod. If so, gently remind him to send out resumes, but don’t do that every day. Don’t check up on him constantly either. That shows a lack of trust and that’s not what you want to convey. You can certainly ask him every few days what’s going on with the resumes and if he’s found any good job prospects. Don’t make it a constant part of your conversation. Find something else to talk about.

If he’s in front of the television all the time or if he seems to do very little to be productive, tell him what you’d like him to do. After all, he can help around the house and cut out some of the chores you need to do. Don’t belittle him. He’s already hurting. If he’s doing a lot of nothing, suggest that he talk to someone in the community or at your house of worship. If you can still afford a therapist, advise him to speak to someone and offer to go with him if he needs your support. This is the time to be most supportive, not to shy away from him. He needs you more than ever even if he won’t admit it.

If you’re the unemployed wife, the same rules apply as above. You may be embarrassed or upset or even depressed. If you’re doing very little and doing a lot of couch-sitting, seek out a therapist, a support group or someone at your church. Find a career center and go there to get some resume advice. Improve your resume and send it out, spending at least two hours a day on job searching. Ask for your husband’s support. If he’s not the supportive type, talk to him and tell him what you’re looking for – don’t make him guess.

If you are the husband of a newly unemployed wife, try to be supportive of her. She needs that right now. Try to help around the house, even if you know she’s home all day. Give her a break. It wasn’t her fault she got laid off; now you both have to deal with the fallout so try to be understanding. Put yourself in her shoes. How you would feel if you were suddenly unemployed? Be helpful and don’t engage in put-downs. That doesn’t help anyone. If you need some support because her moping around is getting to you, make sure you get some support from a group, therapist or clergyman as well. Make sure she has filed for unemployment benefits and help her follow-up on that so she receives them.

The duty to search for a new job while getting unemployment benefits

In Tennessee, in order to continue to get unemployment benefits, there are certain requirements which must be met. These requirements are as follows:

• You must actively look for a job.
• You must make at least two job contacts a week, which means filling out at least two job applications and sending out at least two resumes.
• You must keep a record of your job search activities, who you contacted, the name of the company and any other information about the search.
• You must not be disabled. If so, there are other resources for you, including Social Security Disability.
• If you have any questions, contact the Department of Labor and Workforce Development.

If you’re the employed or stay-at-home spouse, make sure your newly unemployed spouse is following the steps above without asking him or her about it every day. You can provide a notebook for your spouse to keep job search entries in. Be encouraging even if you’re feeling the financial crunch. Understand what the economy looks like and its effect on unemployment.

Make sure you’re not voluntarily unemployed or underemployed under Tennessee law

If the marriage does break up, the unemployed spouse needs to make sure he’s not voluntarily unemployed or underemployed. Voluntary unemployment means that if you’re the unemployed spouse, you are consciously not working according to your work history and based on your education and skill level. Your wife will have the burden of proving that you are voluntarily unemployed, but if you’re staying unemployed by choice, this could hurt you when a judge determines how much child support you may have to pay. Likewise, if you are underemployed, based on past earnings, your education and training, your wife will have to prove underemployment for child support purposes. If she can prove this, then the court will impute income to you, which is a presumption of how much you should be earning. The court will then base the amount of child support on this higher amount. Refer to Voluntarily Unemployed or Underemployed in Tennessee Child Support Law for more information about voluntary unemployment, voluntary underemployment, and imputing income.

Your marriage depends on both of you being able to weather the storm during this stressful time. While some articles depict job loss as a minor event, nothing could be further from the truth – job loss is among the top three stressors in one’s life. If you’ve lost your job, don’t beat yourself up about it. The economy is bad and many jobs are outsourced. Consider changing careers if you need to. Some people’s second acts in life are better than the first. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your job but don’t dwell on it for months. If you find yourself continuing to wallow in it, find professional help. There is free help out there if you look for it.

In the meantime, do what you can to keep your marriage intact. See a marriage counselor or clergyman if you need to. Hopefully you will be back at work soon. Until then, you both need to do what you can to keep your marriage together unless it is destined to fall apart anyway. If the unemployment was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, then the marriage probably wasn’t solid to begin with. You’ll get through this time with a supportive spouse and a good support system of family, friends, support groups and counselors, including job counselors and therapists. No matter what, don’t give up. The next great job could be just around the corner.

Memphis divorce attorney, Miles Mason, Sr., practices family law exclusively and is founder of the Miles Mason Family Law Group, PLC.  Buy The Tennessee Divorce Client’s Handbook: What Every Divorcing Spouse Needs to Know, available on Amazon and Kindle.  To schedule your confidential consultation, call us today at (901) 683-1850.