10 Signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Abuse doesn’t just come in the physical form. Abuse can manifest itself in emotional and mental ways as well, seriously affecting your mood, self-esteem, and overall quality of life. If you believe you may be in an abusive relationship, consider getting out. Contact a divorce lawyer to learn about your legal options.

Look for these 10 warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and/or partner, from Memphis divorce lawyer Miles Mason: 

10 Signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

1. Control

There are many ways your partner may try to control you. Often, it’s done by exerting economic power, either by withholding money from you or making you report to him for anything you need to buy or spend. It can also be done passive aggressively with guilt trips, making you feel bad for doing something your partner disapproves of, or in a more straight-forward manner, with your partner flat-out demanding what you should and should not do.

2.    Isolation

If your partner demands all your time and gets angry when you spend time with others, it could be indicative of an abusive relationship. Often, abusive partners will punish you for spending time away, even if it’s with close friends or family. Through guilt trips, sulking, or even verbal abuse, they’ll make sure you know it’s not OK to be away. He or she attempts to isolate you and doesn’t understand you need a life outside of your relationship.

3.    Blame

When you bring up the hurt feelings, fear, and shame your partner has inflicted on you, he or she puts the blame on you or others, not taking responsibility for hurting you. For example, a mean-spirited joke may hurt your feelings; your partner may blame you by saying “You need to lighten up.” If your partner yells at you, he or she may say, “It’s because you won’t stop nagging me.” As an adult, your partner should be able to take responsibility for his or her actions. Blaming you and making excuses for his or her actions or treatment of you could indicate an emotionally abusive relationship.

4.    Domination

If your partner tries to intimidate or scare you through looks, gestures, or threats, chances are you’re in an abusive relationship. Abusers will use any means necessary to intimidate you into staying with them; often, they’ll make threats of leaving and say their partners will never find anyone else to replace them. An abuser wants you to feel like you have no choices.

5.    Jealousy

Jealousy is a major sign of an abusive relationship. An abuser may be jealous of the people you spend time with, of items you have that he or she doesn’t, and even of your accomplishments and goals. An abusive partner doesn’t want any part of your life to bring you happiness; control over you is key, and an abuser gets jealous when things happen in your life without his or her involvement.

6.    Humiliation and Criticism

In a healthy relationship, your significant other should truly be your partner: supporting you, encouraging you, and being your biggest fan. In an abusive relationship, this is rarely the case. An abusive partner picks on you, often doing so in public. He or she makes “jokes” at your expense and belittles you. The ultimate goal is to make you feel like you’re not good enough – for your partner or for anyone else.

7.    Withholding Affection

If something doesn’t go an abuser’s way, he or she will often sulk, whine, and withhold affection from you. You may even get the silent treatment. In doing this, an abuser hopes to make you feel guilty and sorry. It’s just another way to exert control over your emotions.

8.    Manipulation

An abuser will often try to guilt or shame you into doing what he or she thinks is right – whether you agree or not. Through mind games and playing into your weaknesses, an abusive partner will manipulate you until you act according to his or her wishes.

9.    Insecurity

Insecurity in a partner can easily lead to an abusive relationship later in the relationship. An insecure partner has low self-esteem and has little self-worth. To compensate, he or she will try to bring you down by belittling you and making you feel insecure, too. In a healthy relationship, your partner should want to lift you up and make you feel worthy. If your partner isn’t doing this, you may be in an abusive relationship.

10. Selfishness

Yes, we all have to look out for ourselves, but your partner should want to please you and make you happy, too. Your happiness should lead to his or her happiness. An abusive partner does not see it this way; he or she will only act ‘selfless’ if it leads to some benefit. Abusers rarely will do anything that doesn’t give an immediate gain or some kind of control over a partner.

For more information, see Domestic Violence & Tennessee Divorce Law | Get Safe Now.