Can My Ex Take My Child’s Cell Phone? PART ONE

Can my ex take my child’s cell phone? Is one parent permitted to take a child’s cell phone away during parenting time when other parent pays for phone? Can the custodial parent deny phone calls? Can my ex take my sons phone away? Is it illegal to take your child’s phone away? Should cell phone use be included in our parenting plan? How often should non custodial parent call? How should we discipline our child and stay in communication?

All around us, we see children chatting and texting on their cell phones. Snapping selfies with friends just about everywhere they go. With divorced parenting, though, one parent’s desire to provide the child with a cell phone could create conflict. As pervasive as mobile phones are today, how might this be? Lack of planning!

Parenting Plan Terms for Child’s Cell Phone Use

Divorced or separated parents who do not include a plan for their child’s cell phone use – with agreed upon rules and guidelines in the permanent parenting plan – open themselves up to parenting disputes. Never lose sight of how important regular communication is when addressing the cell phone issue in the parenting plan. Most situations can be addressed in advance.

Can my ex take my child’s cell phone?

A parenting plan agreement setting forth shared responsibilities and a residential schedule involves careful consideration, negotiation, and mediation. How each child will maintain regular contact with both parents is one of those considerations, and a very important one. See T.C.A. § 36-6-401, et seq.

Every child custody case or divorce with children will require a parenting plan of which cell phone terms are only a part. Before negotiating the details of your proposed parenting plan, take a look at Parenting Plan Forms in Tennessee. Use these examples as a guide when developing a tailored plan for your own family.

Co-Parenting Requires Cooperation

Conflict often ensues if a parent prevents regular communication between the child and the other parent. Not only does this hurt the former spouse who is left out-of-the-loop, it is harmful to the child. The likelihood of litigation to enforce or modify custody orders also increases when parent-child communication is obstructed (intentionally or unintentionally). This is no small matter. Child custody disputes are costly for divorced parents, financially and emotionally.

Parents may decide to give the child a cell phone simply to keep communication regular and open. This seems simple enough. But instead of enhancing communication, a mobile phone in the hands of a child with no agreed parenting plan terms regarding its use could interfere with co-parenting and the relationship each parent has with the child. (For the sake of simplicity, we mean “cell phone” to include any mobile communication device, such as a smartphone, iPhone, Android, BlackBerry, and the like.)

Secret Phones and Confiscation

A secret cell phone? A parent should not provide a secret cell phone for the child to make calls from the other parent’s home. No child should be put in the position of keeping a parent’s secrets.

Divorced Parents and Cell Phones

Can a parent ever take away the child’s cell phone during parenting time? What if it was provided and paid for by the other parent? Much depends upon the circumstances with attorneys, mediators, and family therapists taking different positions on the issue. It’s a tough question.

Consider confiscation as punishment for bad behavior. With no prior discussion, how might the other parent react? Unless clear rules of use and discipline for misuse were agreed to in advance, unilateral confiscation could backfire in a big way. More on that later.

In the absence of agreement, some attorneys argue against confiscation to discipline the child. Not because doing so is unreasonable, but because it may motivate the other parent to involve the court in micro-managing parenting time. Don’t stoke the flames by taking unilateral action. And when the other parent gives the child a cell phone (not a secret phone), resist the temptation to confiscate, reconfigure, disable, or accidentally waste the device so it cannot be used during parenting time.

Divorce and Child’s Cell Phone: How Children Respond to Smartphone Confiscation By a Parent

Divorce and child’s cell phone.

The psychological impact of a parent confiscating the child’s smartphone, specifically, could be right up there with a perceived invasion of personal space by searching it. To understand how a child perceives having his or her iPhone or Android taken away, we need to appreciate what social media means to a child in the relevant age group – teenager, preteen, or grade-schooler. To a teenager, social media is more like hanging out at the virtual mall.

Similar to being grounded, taking away the smartphone as punishment cuts off casual contact with friends and classmates. Confiscation disrupts news of followed stories and celebrities. It means no gaming. In the eyes of a teenager, being isolated from social media could be the worst thing ever.

Some mental health professionals are of the opinion that confiscating a child’s mobile phone could negatively impact the parent-child relationship. Others have a different view, encouraging parents to place limits on their children’s smartphone use. And to see those restrictions as more of a medical issue than a lifestyle choice. (In some circumstances, confiscation could fall under legal decision-making and not be an ordinary parenting time matter.)

Regular Parent-Child Communication

In Tennessee family law, each parent should promote a positive relationship between the child and the other parent. It is generally accepted to be in the child’s best interest to have reasonable access to both parents on a daily basis. Parent-child communication should be frequent, open, and positive. Plan for how this will be accomplished.

Divorced parenting frequently includes providing cell phones to children. For successful co-parenting:

• Both parents should have reasonable phone access to the child.  That means at reasonable hours, for reasonable duration, and at reasonable intervals. To ensure reasonable access, at a minimum parents should agree on a specified time for calls so the child can be made available to receive them. Otherwise, the child may call a parent whenever reasonable. Regular cell phone contact and video chats are ideal for this.
• Parent and child are entitled to private communications without interference from the other parent.  Examples of interference include a parent’s refusal to answer the phone, refusing to let the child or others answer, or denying access by blocking the other parent’s calls. Recording conversations between the other parent and child is also interference. Talk to an attorney.

Parental Alienation Cell Phone: Cell Phone Use During Visitation

When the child goes to one parent’s residence, a cell phone makes it easy to stay connected with the other parent. It helps prevent parental alienation. A personal cell phone can help the child build confidence, too, when so much in life has been changed by the divorce. Just knowing the other parent can always be reached immediately is a benefit. The child can call for support if upset over something that occurred at school that day, for example, or call in an emergency. There are many benefits to providing a child of appropriate age with a mobile phone. But there are detriments, too.

Smartphones and Mobile Phones in Child Custody Litigation

Having already consulted an experienced family law attorney, the parent should know how posting to social media can negatively impact one’s custody case. Placing a smartphone in the hands of a child who is not equipped to handle the responsibility is equally troubling.

First, parents should not buy their son or daughter a mobile phone until they are convinced the child is mature enough to handle the device responsibly. Second, clear boundaries need to be established from the very beginning. Third, parents should hold off on the child’s cell phone until after they have carefully worked out an agreement. There needs to be set terms in the parenting plan on how the cell phone arrangement will work for everyone.

Acting alone in providing the child with a cell phone (or secret phone)? Not discussing and agreeing to a plan with the other parent first? Well, that’s just inviting unnecessary friction.

Joint Custody and Cell Phone

Assuming parents agree on a child’s cell phone use, what additional terms should be established? Start with the type of mobile device and how it will be paid for. What plan does each parent currently have? Could the child be added? Maybe one parent pays for the phone while the other covers the monthly service plan. Maybe they split all costs equally. Or perhaps the economically disadvantaged spouse does not pay for any related costs.

Non-Custodial Parent Cell Phone

Another parenting plan term should address whether, and to what degree, cell phone use may be restricted or terminated as a disciplinary measure. What if a situation arises during residential time that motivates the parent to take possession of the child’s mobile phone? Unilateral confiscation as a disciplinary measure can lead to a parenting disaster. Take a look at what happened when a parent confiscated his daughter’s cell phone to teach her a lesson on rudeness. It happened in Texas.

Cell phone during visitation: Is one parent permitted to take a child’s cell phone away during parenting time when other parent pays for phone?

Is One Parent Permitted to Take a Child’s Cell Phone Away During Parenting Time When Other Parent Pays for Phone?

The mother, Ms. Steppe, and her fiancé bought an iPhone 4 for her 12-year-old’s use, also covering the service fee. During father’s parenting time in 2013, his daughter texted a rude message to her friend. The message was a derogatory statement about the father’s girlfriend (and her children). As punishment, Dad confiscated the iPhone.

In an interview with CBS-DFW, the father, Ronald Jackson, said: “I was being a parent … [A] child does something wrong, you teach them what’s right.” However, the child’s mother said, “You can’t take someone’s property, regardless if you’re a parent or not.”

Many parents might side with the father in this, especially if their 12-year-old was caught sexting, harassing a teacher, bullying a classmate, or sharing inappropriate selfies to someone online. But that’s not what happened here.

The father refused to return the iPhone to the other parent (who presumably would give it right back to the child). Instead of letting a day or two go by to cool off, or attempt to mediate this dispute, the mother filed a stolen property report with police. The father wouldn’t surrender the iPhone to police either, steadfastly asserting this was his parenting decision to make. He was charged with a Class C misdemeanor which was upped to a Class B misdemeanor theft with a potential sentence of six months in jail and $2,000.00 fine. He was arrested, hired a defense attorney, posted bail, and rejected a plea deal. What’s worse? His own child testified against him in a two-day jury trial.

In January 2016, the judge ordered entry of a not guilty verdict for insufficient evidence. The daughter was a 15-year-old. The fall-out had caused irreparable damage. This Dad may still have the iPhone, but he doesn’t believe it’s possible to salvage a meaningful relationship with his daughter or his ex.

These parents did not see eye-to-eye on cell phone use. The consequences of unilateral confiscation alienated the father and proved to be a big fat negative for everyone involved. Acting without the other parent’s input is likely to raise his or her ire. But it could also worsen an already tenuous relationship between parent and child.

So much time, expense, and heartache over a tween’s naive use of her cell phone. Don’t find another reason to say “coulda woulda shoulda” with co-parenting. If there had been a parenting plan addressing this situation, then there would have been a defined disciplinary path for both parents to follow and consistency for the child.

Continue reading Part Two.