Parenting Journal: Prepping for a Custody Dispute

Parenting Journals After Separation: Custody Disputes

The parenting journal is not a precursor to a publishable biography or an exercise in therapeutic self-exploration. In family law, the parenting journal serves as an informal record of information and events pertaining to your minor child. A neatly organized journal can be used for evidentiary purposes in the event of a child custody dispute, child support concern, parenting time exchange, health record, day care schedule, extra-curricular event record, and so much more. Family law attorneys recommend that parents make regular journal entries (to refresh their memories later) in the event of a custody problem.

How Can a Parenting Journal Help?

The parenting journal can be used offensively and defensively in just about any child custody dispute. Offensively, it can be used strategically to establish the other party’s inappropriate parenting with an observation, description, date and time. Defensively, journal entries can be used to bolster a defense against allegations of poor judgment (or far worse) from the other parent. A few pages from a journal could defuse a dispute by refreshing memories that have been clouded with the passage of time (“You didn’t have little Susie two Labor Day weekends ago, I did…”).

A few examples speak a thousand words…

Example 1:

Father files a motion to modify child custody because mother refuses to let him take his daughter, Susie, with him during scheduled holiday access time. To refresh her memory when she meets with her lawyer, mother flips to the proper page in her parenting journal and fully recalls the event:

“1/1/2021:  New Years day. Father was 2 hours late for parenting time exchange, finally arrived at 8:45 p.m. Never called or texted to say he’d be late. Finally showed up with alcohol on his breath. I refused to let him take Susie in his car. Susie was very upset, couldn’t sleep, cried for hours…”

Example 2:

The father pays child support directly to the mother who is struggling with a hidden drug problem. She claims that he hasn’t paid child support for months and demands he pay her the money or she won’t let him see his little girl. He’s certain he made all the payments, but needs to recall the details specifically. Wondering now where the money went and worried she’ll obstruct access to his daughter, father starts leafing through the pages of his parenting journal for any reference to child support:

“2/13/2020:  I stopped by mother’s house on my way to work yesterday at 7:30 a.m. and dropped off child support money (money order #09876, $250, 2/12/2020). She answered the door looking pretty awful. Like she’d had a long night or something. Dark circles under her eyes, unsteady. I asked her if she was all right, but she just glared at me, grabbed the money order, and shut the door in my face. Susie waved at me through the window and I waved back, threw her a kiss. She threw one back.”

Example 3:

Father learns from a friend that the child’s mother is living with a new guy who’s been heard arguing with the mother and observed harassing her in public. Very worried about the possibility of domestic violence and child abuse, father journals everything he was told by the potential witness. He will ask his attorney to help with emergency custody arrangements to protect the child from harm:

“7/14/2020:  Spoke with John Smith right after church service today (cell 555-555-1234). His house is right across the street from my ex’s. He says she’s living with a guy who’s been in and out of jail many times. John says the police showed up a couple times last week to break up domestic arguments. He’s seen the guy pushing my ex around when Susie was with her.” 

Make Journaling a Daily Habit

In addition to exigencies like possible domestic abuse, every parent who is under a child custody order should get in the habit of journaling the most mundane daily events. These can establish routine care, departures from routine, and indicate when some problem may have taken root. Take a few minutes each day to journal:

• Phone calls to and from the other parent regarding the child.
• Observations regarding the child’s well-being, health, and emotional state, both good and bad.
• Parenting time exchanges that went well or didn’t go well.
• Activities during your visitation or parenting time, such as shopping, going out to breakfast, or taking the child to play at a local park.
• Note if activities were missed because the child was sick or unwell.
• Introductions to a significant other (yours or the other parent’s).
• Notifications to the other parent in advance of doctor’s visits, parent-teacher conferences, and extracurricular activities, games, plays, tournaments.
• Whether the other parent showed up at the doctor’s office, birthday party, school play, softball tournament, and so on.
• Indications that the other parent is having emotional, mental health, or physical problems that are concerning.
• Make note of your child’s growth, development, and behavior.
• Note daycare pick-ups and drop-offs; anything the staff discussed with you about the day’s activities.
• Jot down any questions you have for your family lawyer and organize those for your next consultation.
• Detail inappropriate behavior by the other parent (don’t forget social media evidence you happen upon).
• Anything that strikes you as out of the ordinary, although you may not be able to discern exactly why at the time (“He was very evasive today when I asked him how work was going…” and two months later child support payments stop).

Lastly, understand what a parenting journal is not. It is not intended to be read to your child, that would be an altogether different kind of family journal. It need not be a fancy bound volume, simple spiral bound notebooks work well for most parents. As the notebook is filled, retire it to a secure place and start a new one. Do not discard earlier journals! If putting pen to paper is not your thing, a digital journal is another option, but remember to keep your privacy settings high and save the files to long-term storage.

For Answers to Child Custody and Parenting Time Questions

The Miles Mason Family Law Group handles Tennessee divorce, child support, alimony, child custody, and parent relocation. Download our free e-Book, Your First Steps: 7 Steps Planning Your Tennessee Divorce. A Memphis divorce lawyer from the Miles Mason Family Law Group can help. To schedule your confidential consultation, call us today at (901) 683-1850.