Really Bad Divorce Advice You Must Ignore

Really bad divorce advice is something spouses must recognize and then completely ignore. When you see it coming, get out of the way!

Really bad divorce advice you must ignore!

For various reasons, some people feel compelled to offer words of divorce wisdom whenever news gets out that spouses are “having personal problems.” Beware the bearers of ill advice! No matter how emphatically the tale is told, learn to recognize and reject nonsensical divorce tips and half-truths.

Give Bad Divorce Advice the Grain of Salt It Deserves

Somehow, word of divorce gets out no matter how discreet the parties are. As tawdry details emerge (factual and fictional), plenty of folks eagerly pontificate from beneath the safety of their respective rocks, each offering up a penny’s worth of advice. Make no mistake. Adhering to bad divorce advice can be very damaging to one’s case.

Listening to bad divorce tips and half-truths is one thing, many people do just want to help. (Let their words float by like feathers in the evening breeze.) Adhering to bad divorce advice is another thing entirely. Like all important events in life, divorce has consequences, many of which cannot be revisited, remediated, or undone. Will the court toss out a property division five years later because it proved to be a financial disaster for one spouse and a boon for the other? Nope. Divorce mistakes have consequences. There’s more.

Relying on bad divorce advice could mean less parenting time and higher child support payments for the alternate residential parent. It could result in marital misconduct impacting alimony. It could result in an unequal, inequitable property division with long lasting financial consequences. Relying on really bad divorce advice? Double trouble.

Why would someone deliberately offer bad divorce advice?

When tips come from a close friend or concerned family member – an insider who truly means well – they can be all the more damaging because the messenger is trusted. These ordinary people believe they are helping, but bad advice from any source must be ignored. If that sounds too harsh, then at least put divorce tips in the “verify with attorney later” category.

Bad divorce advice can come from the busybody who isn’t even in the spouse’s inner circle. It can come from someone with disingenuous motives, too. A bitter divorcée sharing what she “would have done” had she known better. A man venting about judicial bias because his divorce was a complete disaster (from his perspective).

Don’t be fooled. Bad divorce advice from any source isn’t worth a grain of pink Himalayan sea salt. Put it on ignore. Only competent attorneys licensed in Tennessee should offer legal advice about Tennessee divorce and, among those legal professionals, it is the experienced divorce attorney who follows trends in family law.

Wondering what really bad divorce advice sounds like? Here are some offerings, all ripe for the compost pile.

Marriage Counseling Is a Must in Tennessee Divorce

“Heard the one about the wife, the husband, and the marriage counselor?” Given the plethora of divorce jokes out there, one might take divorce lightly. But living through a marriage in crisis is not funny to the spouses. Nor is bad divorce advice about what spouses must do or not do. Must spouses see a marriage counselor before they can get divorced? No. A certificate of completion for marriage counseling is not required in Tennessee divorce law.

There are many benefits to marriage counseling, including improved communication and possible reconciliation. Marriage counseling may be a moral prerequisite for some people, but it is not a legal prerequisite to a divorce decree. And no, the court will not order marriage counseling to make spouses “straighten up and fly right.”

Until Death Do Us Part? For the Sake of the Children?

One kind of bad divorce advice worth ignoring is the “Here’s why you should stay married” kind. (As though this were a novel idea.) Stay married because “you made a commitment” that lasts “until death do us part,” but nobody is dead yet. This is something one might expect from an outsider who has no concept of what it is like to live in a hostile environment, day-in and day-out.

Then there is the “Stay married for the sake of the kids” bad divorce advice. Maybe softened into “At least wait until [the youngest] graduates high school.” Talk about being pressured!

Seriously, holding children hostage for years to their parents’ miserable marriage could inflict more harm to young hearts and minds than if the spouses had divorced sooner rather than later. Why would any parent want the children to grow up believing married life should be angry, frustrating, argumentative, or adulterous? These are behaviors spouses employ while pretending to cope with a bad situation.

Of course, think carefully about whether divorce is the best alternative. But do not use the children as an excuse to remain in an otherwise miserable relationship. Under a permanent parenting plan, the children will still have two parents after the divorce caring for them, supporting them, and loving them. Just not in the same household.

Start Dating and Get a Social Life

“Start dating! What difference does it make, you’re getting divorced anyway?” Given that adultery is grounds for divorce in Tennessee law. Given that a parent’s dating while married is a factor the judge should consider in determining child custody and alimony. Given that spending money on a paramour can dissipate marital assets, do not start dating. Telling someone to reignite a social life by dating while separated is really bad divorce advice and totally worth ignoring. If this is a concern, then learn more about Tennessee divorce and the potential consequences of dating while separated.

Take Your Spouse for Everything!

Really bad divorce advice includes being told to deliberately punish the other spouse in order to obtain more alimony, more property, or other unfair advantage. “Take that [expletive deleted] for everything he/she is worth!” Or make the other party pay by having to “Negotiate for every dime!”

Whenever finances are involved, attempts at obtaining unfair advantage with alimony, division of property, and child support are likely to fall short. The court must apply the Tennessee alimony factors, child custody factors, and child support guidelines to the facts before it by sifting through evidence, testimony, and discovery. Being unreasonable and greedy to punish the other spouse does not make for a more compelling case. Actually, the opposite is likely with the court sanctioning a party for excessive, unnecessary litigation tactics.

Do It Yourself Divorce Saves Money

One divorce myth is that saving money is the ultimate goal. That the only way to save money is a do-it-yourself divorce. “If everything you need to know is free online, why hire a lawyer?” Some may save money in the sense attorney fees were avoided, but the mistakes made in DIY cases can be costly to fix later and require attorney assistance. Some DIY mistakes cannot be corrected. The damage is done.

Researching respected websites, such as memphisdivorce.com, is smart and practical. The more spouses learn about Tennessee divorce law, the more confident they are about their futures and the futures of their children. But general information made available to the general public can only help so much. One size does not fit all divorce circumstances. Yes, every spouse and parent should learn about all matters raised in the case. However, nothing on the internet or in a DIY divorce kit can replace specific legal advice from an experienced divorce attorney.

Do learn about divorce, alimony, property division, parenting plans, child support calculations, and the like, using online resources, Tennessee divorce books, seminars, and podcasts. Knowledge is power in divorce and child custody proceedings. However, also obtain specific legal advice about the financial consequences of property allocation and availability of periodic alimony, for instance. Specific legal advice is crucial for the best possible outcome in the divorce. And most appeals, over 90 percent, result in the trial court’s final judgment being affirmed. There are no Mulligans in Tennessee divorce.

Nothing can replace specific legal advice from an experienced divorce attorney

Get a Quickie Divorce

Here’s more bad divorce advice not worth a pile of beans: “Just get a quickie divorce.” How so few words cause so many so much trouble. The concept of a quickie divorce in Tennessee is wishful thinking.

Contested Divorce

Has someone argued convincingly that a contested divorce “Should be over in a few weeks”? Although every divorce is different, a contested divorce generally takes significantly longer than the uncontested divorce (wherein all matters are settled between the spouses). A contested divorce can cost substantially more, too. Ignore bad divorce advice that dictates how long a divorce will take. There just isn’t that kind of certainty.

Spouses who buy into the notion that divorces should be “easy peasy lemon squeezy” may be disappointed with the outcome of their own dissolution proceedings (hindsight being 20/20). Why would anyone think dissolving a marriage is more like getting a parking ticket than starting a new life? Pay the fine and move on, “Next please.” If getting married was life-changing, then why should dissolving the bonds of matrimony be easy? The notion of a quickie divorce is not based on fact or Tennessee law.

Mandatory Waiting Period

Every marital dissolution in Tennessee has a mandatory, minimum waiting period. If spouses have minor children, then they must wait a minimum of 90 days after filing before the judge can enter the divorce decree. With no minor children, the wait is only 60 days. So much for the quickie Tennessee divorce. See T.C.A. § 36-4-101 for the Tennessee waiting period.

Annulment Is No Quickie Divorce

Another really bad piece of divorce advice is to “Get the marriage annulled, it’s faster than divorce.” These words of advice are so bad, it is hard to know where to begin.

Annulment is only available when there is a specific defect in the marriage contract which, resultantly, means the court cannot terminate the bond of matrimony because there is no legal marriage to dissolve.

Specific circumstances must exist for an annulment. Put another way, if the spouses could get a divorce, then they cannot get an annulment. Therefore, annulment is not an option for most couples because their marriages are valid. Annulment may be granted when a marriage is void because, say, one party remains married to someone else (a bigamist). Or the marriage is voidable because, for example, one party wants out because the other party isn’t the ne Prince of Wales after all.

Annulment proceedings parallel those in the divorce process with allocation of separately and jointly-owned property (there can be no marital property), for instance, legal decision-making authority over the children, and parenting time. In the end, annulment is neither faster than divorce nor a divorce substitute. For more information, read about the requirements for annulment in Tennessee.

There are many more myths surrounding Tennessee divorce worth discussing. Get ready for More Really Bad Divorce Advice You Must Ignore in Part 2.