Is Your Spouse’s Bully of a Divorce Lawyer Making You Crazy?

Is your spouse’s bully of a divorce lawyer making you crazy?

Tennessee divorce is not fun. It is not a game. It certainly is not easy. Unfortunately, nothing adds difficulty to an already difficult situation like the belligerent, agitating, self-aggrandizing bully of a divorce lawyer who happens to represent your spouse. You didn’t pick ‘em, but you’re stuck with ‘em.

The question, then, is how will you deal with that lawyer? Can you still achieve your goals for a fair property settlement, a reasonable parenting plan, and Tennessee alimony? To answer these and similar questions, consider what may be the motivating force behind the lawyer’s bullying behavior.

Why Your Spouse’s Lawyer Attacks You

Is your spouse’s attorney bullying you? If you answered in the affirmative, you may be somewhat relieved to know this is nothing new. Consider the following three divorce tactics:

1. Wear You Down

Some divorce lawyers believe they serve their clients best by doing everything possible to make the other spouse nervous, anxious, and confused. Divorces have a powerful emotional component which can be exhausting for both parties. In applying constant pressure, the bullying lawyer may simply be trying to wear the other spouse down. A way of beating the person into submission, figuratively speaking.

By keeping you in a constant state of agitation, your spouse’s lawyer may hope to push you into settling on any terms just to make the stress go away. This is why it is so very important to have your own lawyer, someone skilled at dealing with the bully’s tactics.

2. High Conflict Hurt

Some divorce lawyers bully in every case. This is their default strategy, one that envisions the parties as combatants who must either win or lose. Some spouses make divorces high-conflict and tell their lawyers to bully. As marriage and family therapist Virginia Gilbert noted in a recent Huff Post article: “High-conflict personalities thrive off of battle.”

Regardless of who ordered the high-conflict tactics, they must be dealt with. Experienced divorce lawyers know how.

3. In Like A Lion, Out Like A Lamb

Some scorched-Earth divorce tactics are the last defense of a defensive and scared spouse or lawyer. (An example of scorched-Earth litigation might be repeated delays, continuances, and dilatory tactics purposefully used to drag things out at the expense of the other spouse.) Although the bully may have started the case like a lion, he or she may go out like a lamb.

Unprofessional tactics and negative strategies can be a good sign that you have a strong case and a good divorce lawyer. After being bullied in the divorce, just knowing that your legal counsel worries your spouse or scares your spouse’s attorney (or both) can be very rewarding.

How to Handle the Bullying Divorce Lawyer

Here are a few tips to help you manage your spouse’s less-than-personable lawyer:

● Hire a competent divorce lawyer to represent you.

Don’t let your spouse’s lawyer use his or her knowledge of the legal system to walk all over you. If your spouse has hired an overly aggressive attorney, you really should seek legal representation to balance power during divorce negotiations and at trial, if one becomes necessary. This is not the time to depend exclusively upon your wits in a do-it-yourself divorce. Hire a competent divorce lawyer to represent your interests and to deal with your spouse’s lawyer directly.

● Don’t take it personally.

Just because your spouse’s lawyer is a… not nice, is attacking your case and your credibility, try not to take it personally. That lawyer certainly doesn’t. Aggressive posturing is just how he or she approaches the case – it’s win or lose, your sensitivities really aren’t part of the equation. Yes, not taking hurtful words to heart is easier said than done. But this is a divorce. In many ways, you and your soon-to-be former spouse are adversaries. Your objective should be to achieve the best outcome possible under the circumstances. This requires good decision-making at every stage in the legal process, from divorce negotiations to litigating child custody. Good decisions require logic and reason, something that is very hard to accomplish if you’re reacting emotionally to the other side’s most recent posturing.

● Stay out of the muck.

As challenging as it may be, don’t let your spouse’s attorney drag you down into the muck, too. If he or she prefers to wallow around in the sty, so be it. Be above the acrimony, the judge will notice. And if you have children, you’ll benefit from the high moral ground on custody and parenting time issues. Depend upon your lawyer to counter any misrepresentations in an appropriate forum and to bring out the best in you for the judge and all to see. Be the credible parent, the reasonable party, the deserving spouse.

● Know when enough is enough.

Ask for sanctions when your spouse’s lawyer crosses the line by, for example, making materially false statements in court, filing motions to harass and delay, or taking a position on an issue that is contrary to Tennessee law. Know when enough is enough and consider seeking your pound of flesh.

How are divorce sanctions imposed for violating Rule 11 of the Tennessee Rules of Civil Procedure? Take a look at Tennessee Husband Awarded $61,000 in Attorney’s Fees Sanctions.