Family Law is a Career with Meaning & Purpose

What is a Day in the Life of a Family Lawyer really like “in the trenches?” What do family lawyers do on a daily basis? Is family law a good career? What are the benefits of being a family lawyer? Reasons to be a family lawyer. This video is for any lawyer, law student, paralegal, or legal assistant thinking about a career in family law. Family law paralegals’ duties and legal assistants’ duties often mirror that of family law attorneys. My advice and career insights here are very similar for all involved. Many of the exact same skills are required. Not so much about a job description for family law attorneys, paralegals, and legal assistants, as it is about the “why” you should think about a career in family law.

This is my argument why a career in family law has meaning and purpose. I love practicing family law. It’s all I do. For over 25 years, I have given a great deal of my energy to helping others. Plus, I’ve been very active with the ABA Family Law Section and have enjoyed the privilege of getting to know some of the best family lawyers in America on a very personal basis. Sure, there are lots of ups and downs. I don’t regret a minute. The struggle has provided me with very unique life experiences. Sometimes, I refer to a career in family law as living “life concentrate.” We get a unique perspective on life, love, law, money and what to do when things go terribly wrong.

Video Transcript:

Hi. My name is Miles Mason.
I want to talk to you about the kind people who practice family law.  As you begin your working life career, you are always building your legacy. What do you leave behind? But, when you are tired on Thursday morning, what keeps you going? Service of others is the highest calling.  They’re drawn to this area because it has tremendous meaning and purpose. Family law attorneys are in a unique position to make a difference.  To have a positive impact on a great number of people, at a very difficult time in their lives.

I’ve been a family law attorney for over 25 years.  I know from experience how uniquely rewarding this practice can be.  Making a difference in people’s lives, having a positive impact, means appreciating how intrinsic and personal divorce and child custody determinations are to parties. Family law proceedings have the potential to profoundly affect relationships, at the most fundamental level. Whether you represent clients as an attorney, paralegal or legal assistant, what you do can have long-lasting consequences.

CAREERS
Are you up to the challenge? There are several career paths for the attorney, paralegal, and legal assistant. There’s private practice, court personnel, and mediation. Let’s explore what it means to have a family law career. Whatever your role, there are commonalities.

DEDICATION
Dedicating your practice to family law will open up many opportunities to make a difference in people’s lives. What you learned about domestic relations in school only brushes the surface. This is a lifetime effort. And the better you are at your craft, the better you’ll be at protecting clients and their children from abusive acts. By spouses, former spouses, and opposing attorneys.

SPECIFIC SKILLS
You need to work on mastering specific skills.

1. Start by learning to reduce family conflict.
Divorce and child custody cases can be emotionally intense for both parties. Some level of conflict is to be expected. But defusing emotions in high conflict cases requires great skill. Along with settlement conferences, a coordinated effort may involve mediators and child custody evaluators. Reduced conflict brings rationality back into the equation. Appealing to reason directly benefits parents and children.

Attorneys are in a lead position to help reduce conflict. They can also make things worse. Intentionally or unintentionally.

Many proven tactics are employed to reduce conflict. The family law attorney uses every one of them. But selectively. The right tactic at the right time, could dissolve a parent’s or spouse’s intransigence, on just about any issue.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, BULLYING, ABUSE
Cases involving domestic violence, abuse, or bullying require special care.  Some clients and children will need protection. Domestic violence is very real and a continuing concern. Always be prepared to advise the client on seeking safety and not underestimating the threat. Every act of physical violence is serious. But that’s not the only abuse a family law attorney is trained to spot. Watch my video on the red flags of financial abuse. The most dangerous time is when the couple splits up. Sometimes, the abuser believes he or she has nothing else to lose. Be smart. Help keep your clients safe. Sometimes that means your client and children may need to hide in a shelter or somewhere the abuser cannot find them. Be quick to recommend your client seek an order of protection. You may save a life. Family law professionals must learn everything they can about domestic violence and the best ways to get their clients into counseling.

2. Learn to communicate effectively.
Attorneys don’t make choices for their clients. But they can provide really good advice.  Great advice means nothing if it isn’t understood.
Listen carefully to what the client is trying to say.  Where one client is blunt and to the point. Another may shield the truth or speak in euphemisms.

Improve your verbal communication skills and people skills. At times, you’ll feel like you’ve talked to everyone. Clients, witnesses, experts, court personnel, opposing counsel, mental health professionals, mediators, the judge. There is always room for improvement.

Improve your counseling skills, counselor. Clients need guidance. Focus clients on the legal matters they need to work through. On setting goals. On making decisions they can live with. Polish your correspondence and writing skills. Make your communications clear and concise.

Learn about mental illness, too. You should consider having a working knowledge of the DSM-5. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and some of the more commonly used terms contained therein. Look up Munchhausen or Munchhausen By Proxy, for example, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  These and other disorders have the potential to profoundly impact the family law case.  It could be your client. The other party. The child. Or an attempt to gain advantage.  With mental health disorders, you need to appreciate the scope of what you’re dealing with. But, still rely on mental health professionals. Ask questions. Never assume a diagnosis. Never assume you are a mental health professional. Nevertheless, having a working knowledge of terms, even lay person terms, will help you better communicate with clients’ mental health professionals.

3. Show you care.
There’s an old saying among family lawyers. “They will not care about how much you know, until they know how much you care.” People facing divorce and custody decisions are hurting on many levels. Make the most of the initial consultation to establish a comfortable dialogue. So the client feels secure and starts opening up with details.

4. Be encouraging but realistic.
Your job is to guide the client through every proceeding. Encourage the client to seek counseling. The idea may be met with resistance at first. But counseling can make a difference in how the case proceeds. It can also help the client move on with life after the divorce.

Get the client to set goals. It’s tough, but necessary. Previous goals are shattered by divorce. This means the client needs to set new ones. Long-term goals tell the client and attorney what the short-term goals should be. For example, say the long-term goal is a career in medical technology.
Requesting rehabilitative alimony is a short-term goal. Because funding college tuition is the next step to achieving the long-term goal. Counseling can help clients with goal setting, too.

5. Don’t lose your objectivity.
Most of us choose to practice family law because we’re genuinely concerned. We want the best possible outcome for clients and their children. However, caring should never interfere with your professional objectivity. To care is to say what must be said. Not what a divorcing client wants to hear. Find the balance between kindness to someone in distress and providing legal advice. Through experience, your judgment will improve. Good judgment will better equip you for more challenging clients. The ones who are more set in their ways and resistant to change. Often to their own detriment.

6. Learn resilience.
You won’t win every case, there will be losses. Learn from them.  In my opinion, you have to love the grind. As Gary Vaynerchuck says, you have to love losing:

• Anyone can win in court when the facts and law are in your favor. Can you win an argument, even a small one when you are not supposed to win but the fairness matters?
• Losing means you get more humble.
• Losing means you gain more perspective.

Knowing that losing a custody case can be devastatingly painful for a lawyer and the legal team. Always prepare emotionally for the outcome to be less than favorable. Learn how to become resilient in life. So you can share these experiences with those needing it most. There are great times. There are moments in time when you know you have done something special. You faced your client’s life’s most important obstacles and you make a difference.

Gratitude from our clients is gratifying, heart-warming, and affirming. As any experienced family lawyer will tell you, gratitude will not always come when you think it should. Gratitude will not sustain you over your career. Keep in mind, gratitude doesn’t make us better at our craft. Getting better at our craft requires reading books, articles, and attending conferences.

7. Learn the craft of practicing family law.
Never sit back on your laurels. Time is too short and there’s too much to learn and do. For one, family law is constantly changing. Secondly, the practice of family law requires broad knowledge of many areas of law, money, and psychology. From estate planning, probate and taxes. To employment law and social security.

Study pension law. Pensions, professional practices, deferred compensation plans, and a number of valuable assets will be divided in divorce. All family lawyers need to have to know what technical requirements goes into a divorce settlement for creating a separate interest in pensions. Learn about complex compensation incentives and stock options. Locating assets may require the services of a private investigator. Valuing assets may require forensic accountancy. Or a lifestyle audit performed to find hidden assets.

Never stop reading, learning, and exploring the “dark corners” of your knowledge. Know the rules of evidence. Work on your negotiating skills. Parenting plans, alimony, asset and debt division can all be settled through negotiation. All work to improve your courtroom oral advocacy.
Be prepared for expert witnesses, such as child custody evaluators, mental health professionals, and forensic accountants. Keep improving your understanding of financial matters and accounting. Learn to interpret financial information and documentation and articulate these issues in court. Learn various deposition tactics. Become competent at drafting complex custody provisions.

INNER DEMONS
In court, we are facing our own fears, insecurities, and inner demons. Are we as talented as we wanted to be when we first started? Are we really as smart as we may think? Have we lived up to our potential?  When we make a mistake, lose an objection, ask one question too many – our mistakes are on display right there in public for the judge, our opposing counsel, and our client to see. We must be at our best every time. There is no option. We don’t call in sick. We don’t get time outs. We must face our shortcomings in real time. After 25 years of practicing family law, the night before a trial, I have still trouble sleeping. At the court house, right before trial begins, I still feel like throwing up. All of the best and most experienced family law attorneys have told me they feel the same we regardless of how many years’ experience he or she has. Yes, I have a competitive personality. I hate to lose. I mean I really hate to lose. When I lose, really lose, it stays with me for days maybe even weeks. I process what I need to get better at my craft. THAT is what it means, at its core, to be a family law attorney. Facing your fears, accepting your weaknesses, and grinding out another day.

If you’re in law school, take a course in family law. Participate in moot court. Work on your public speaking skills. Study mediation and alternative dispute resolution techniques. ADR is an essential component of family law. Read books published by the ABA Family Law Section.

Before committing to a career in family law, consider volunteering. Locate a legal services non-profit providing divorce, custody, and support services. Find out if your personality and professional objectives are a match for family law. Do you genuinely connect with it?

Younger attorneys should work at developing professional relationships with lawyers you respect and trust. Attend national conferences like the ABA Family Law Section’s Spring and Fall Conference. Support your local and state bar associations’ efforts in community outreach. Actively participate in the bar activities you feel are most important. Be a leader. Teach, write, and speak on family law topics.

WHY CLIENTS COME TO YOU FOR ASSISTANCE
Always remember why clients come to you for assistance. It’s the “family” in family law that makes the practice meaningful. Along with all the issues involved in divorce, be ready for anything.

• A parent isn’t complying with the parenting plan.
• A step-parent seeks visitation.
• Grandparents want meaningful time with their grandchildren.
• A client wants to establish paternity and obtain custody.
• A parents needs to modify custody and child support orders.
• A couple wants to adopt a child.
• Or a client seeks separate maintenance, annulment, or asks you to review a prenup.

DAY-TO-DAY PRACTICE
As you can see, family law attorneys wear many hats. The practice is never dull. No day is ordinary. Because every case is unique, attorneys need to know their stuff.

• Family law attorneys routinely appear at hearings.
• They consult with experts.
• And there are trials.

Despite every effort to settle all aspects of the case, litigation and trial will always be necessary to resolve outstanding issues. Trials can be very stressful for parties. Especially custody trials.

In settlement negotiations, we expect parties to give their best efforts. And that’s usually what happens.  Even so, some things make it hard for everyone to move forward. Attorneys included. The greatest challenge for the attorney is when one spouse or the other lawyer is intransigent – refusing to compromise on even smaller issues. Or attempts to manipulate the system to gain unfair advantage. Or is more concerned with hurting the other party than resolving issues. When we negotiate family law matters, the stakes can be at their highest:

1. Real parenting takes place on school nights and school mornings.
2. More time with our client may give the child a better chance at succeeding academically and in life.
3. More child support may make the difference in a special-needs child having better support.
4. When negotiating over property division and alimony, we often face a zero-sum equation. The more money our clients receives, the less need the children may face. Often, there isn’t enough money to go around.
5. If we just had more time. There is never enough time.

Our profession, and our experience in it, both losing and winning, makes us more prepared to help our next client.

No one is the perfect lawyer. We get better because we choose to. We work as hard as we can because it is a calling. Dedicating your energy to pursue a career in family law can be amazingly rewarding. If you end up make a comfortable living, be sure to give back with your time and money. Do your best to leave the profession better than when you found it. I hope you love family law as much as I do.