What should I discuss with my divorce lawyer in Tennessee?

You have a list of core issues to discuss with your Tennessee divorce lawyer, including:

Your desire for child custody and your proposed parenting plan.
How the marital estate should be divided and what assets (and debts) are separate property.
What you expect to pay or receive in alimony and child support.

These bones make up the legal structure, of your divorce. Some bones are strong, others more fragile.

There is another skeleton the attorney needs to know about – the skeleton in the closet.

This is the secret a client wants to keep close, something the client too often purposefully chooses not to tell his or her attorney. The shameful decision. The extramarital affair. The illicit activity. The exercise in stupidity.

A skeleton in the closet is a shameful, discreditable, or embarrassing truth that the person genuinely wishes to keep hidden. It may be a big thing or a small thing. Whatever IT is, the client should tell his or her family lawyer. By advising the client, the contingency – the secret being exposed – could be prepared for. Even circumvented.

It could be something lascivious. Something criminal. A monumental mistake in judgment. Whatever occurred, the client wants the matter buried in perpetuity if possible. “I will take this to my grave.”

Spouses typically share their thoughts and experiences with each other. But they don’t always share everything. If one spouse is keeping a secret from the other, that may be why they also resist telling it to their attorney. This reasoning can be counterproductive.

What should I tell my divorce lawyer?

In a divorce, skeletons in the closet could be exposed in the courtroom, surprising the client’s own attorney and pulling the rug out from under the client’s case. Every experienced family law attorney has faced this and had their case crumble before their eyes. Attorneys hate this! Is there anything you should not tell your lawyer?

There is a huge problem with not telling your divorce attorney. Your attorney cannot properly prosecute or defend your case if you withhold information. If you leave your attorney in the dark because your stand is, “It’s my secret and I’m keeping it,” then you should understand the risk you take in doing so. And the likelihood of serious, permanent consequences.

What do skeletons in the closet look like in divorce?

Here are some more common examples of important lies or omissions divorcing spouses fail to tell his or her attorney:

Affair with an employee:

Is it illegal to have an affair with an employee?

Is it illegal to have an affair with an employee? No, but it could be a legal cause for termination. “A married man was having an affair with his secretary…” It sounds like the beginning of a joke, but adultery is grounds for divorce in Tennessee law. To learn more about adultery in divorce, see our video How Much Can an Extramarital Affair Cost in a Divorce?

Found email discussing lying about the affair:

For example: The other party offers into evidence the husband’s email message to his secretary describing how he will lie about the affair in court. What could possibly go wrong?

Love letter exposed:

For example: The client tells his attorney that his spouse is having an affair. He files a complaint for divorce on grounds of adultery. The wife admits to the affair. At a hearing, the skeleton in the closet is released. It’s a love letter from the husband to his girlfriend. Both spouses committed adultery, but issue becomes more about credibility than fidelity.

Abuse allegation (police called):

Whether the client was the alleged victim or perpetrator. Whether the allegations of abuse were true or false. Failing to inform the attorney about the incident and police report could interfere with the client’s case.

Prior conviction:

For example: The father seeks sole custody of his two children with supervised parenting time for the mother. The mother seeks joint custody with nearly equal parenting time. Her skeleton in the closet? A prior conviction for possession of narcotics. She didn’t tell her attorney. At the custody trial, the truth about her drug conviction comes out. The father is granted sole custody. The mother is awarded supervised parenting time with drug test monitoring at her expense.

Investigator’s report:

For example: The husband never mentioned his gambling propensity to his divorce attorney. His attorney is surprised by opposing counsel’s request for a much larger share of marital property based on dissipated assets. Turns out, the other spouse hired an independent forensic accountant to do a Lifestyle Analysis and a private investigator to track the husband’s casino activities.

Addiction to gambling, pornography, drugs:

For example: The other spouse already has suspicions about this addiction skeleton in the closet and conveys those suspicions to her attorney. Her suspicions are confirmed by an investigator early in the divorce.

Don’t assume you successfully hid your secret from your spouse. Despite your clandestineness, you may have left enough clues to warrant opposing counsel’s further investigation.

Double life:

For example: Recently married, Joan posted an image of herself and her husband Frank to social media – a selfie in front of their new multimillion dollar home.

Abbey and George have been married 10 years – their divorce is pending. George disclosed an annual income of $250,000. Over the years, Abbey has posted many images of George to social media.

Facial recognition technology like Facebook’s DeepFace software can identify a person from digital images with about 97% accuracy. Facial recognition is a match – Frank is George. The outcome? A train wreck for George’s divorce case. Facebook is mentioned in most divorces. And bigamy is a crime in Tennessee. (See Tenn. Code Ann. § 39-15-301.)

Special kind of stupid:

For example: A spouse wins the lottery, enough to maintain a private residence and independent lifestyle. She keeps the winning ticket a secret from her spouse, does not tell her attorney, and files for divorce. In Tennessee, lottery winnings during marriage are typically marital property. When her winnings come to light, it blind-sides her attorney and blows up the parties negotiated Marital Dissolution Agreement. The case will head to trial with alimony, child support, and property division contested.

For a post-divorce case involving lottery winnings, read Ex-Husband’s Taunt about Winning Lottery Insufficient to Reopen Divorce.

In divorce, when will the truth come out?

In a divorce, the “truth” typically comes out during “discovery.” Both parties are required to disclose financial records and information including assets, debts and other information through interrogatories, document production, and depositions. Count on the secret coming out when it benefits the other party the most. If neither spouse wants to settle, expect the bombshell to drop in front of the judge at the hearing or trial. Once out, there is no reeling it back in.

Not telling your attorney about the skeleton in your closet will almost certainly result in disaster for your case.

What if my spouse finds out my lie in divorce?

Divorce requires disclosures by both parties. Competent family lawyers dig for information relevant to the case. Therefore, you should always take the safe route. Confess your secret to your attorney in confidence. An experienced divorce attorney can explain your options and make recommendations based on your particular situation.

If a spouse is discovered to be lying during the divorce proceedings, the spouse could face serious consequences resulting in losing credibility with the judge and costing money in the form of alimony and penalties and criminal charges for perjury.

Can a lawyer help a client lie in discovery and testimony? No. That would be unethical. The lawyer would be violating the rules of professional conduct, namely, the lawyer’s obligation of candor toward the tribunal.

For example: The skeleton in the closet is the client’s drug addiction. The client testifies that he has never used illicit drugs. His attorney knows this to be false. The client’s drug dependency has been established by private drug testing – he has twice tested positive for methamphetamine. The attorney cannot affirm the validity of the client’s “never used drugs” statement.

A lawyer cannot use evidence he or she knows is false. If the client insists on lying, then the attorney can refuse to use the evidence, withdraw as counsel, or inform the judge of the falsehood. (See Rule 3.3, Tennessee Rules of Professional Conduct.)

Should I tell my attorney everything?

Don’t conceal information from your divorce lawyer. If a client hides an important fact or accusation, their attorney will be advising inaccurately. Finding out about the embarrassing act in a hearing or deposition for the first time can be explosive.

Are you worried about your attorney spilling the beans?

Confidential communications between you and your attorney during the course of representation are protected from disclosure by attorney-client privilege. This includes those skeletons in the closet.

What if the ugly matter surfaces in the divorce? Practically speaking, the attorney-client privilege may be raised affirmatively as a shield to the opposing party’s legal demand for disclosure of attorney-client communications in a deposition or hearing. You protect yourself by telling your attorney so the privilege can attach to those confidential communications.

The attorney-client privilege is robust but not without exceptions. The client holds the privilege, and the attorney is bound by it. Only the client has authority to invoke or waive the privilege, with few exceptions. One such exception, for example, is telling your attorney about the assets you concealed to defraud your spouse in the divorce.

What happens if you lie to your divorce attorney?

The divorce attorney is put at a disadvantage when he or she does not hear the real story from the client and does not get the whole truth. Being blindsided by opposing counsel’s filing or oral argument can completely disable the attorney’s defense. This is infuriating for the attorney and disastrous for the client’s case. Don’t lie to your divorce attorney. Don’t hide secrets from your divorce attorney.

To learn more, view:

How Much Can an Extramarital Affair Cost in a Divorce?

Ex-Husband’s Taunt about Winning Lottery Insufficient to Reopen Divorce