How to Protect Your Privacy During a Divorce

Change passwords, create a new e-mail account, open new bank accounts in your name only, tighten physical security of computers and devices, close shared accounts, new phone, secure residence and documents, avoid posting on social media.

You need to protect your privacy before, during, and after a divorce.

Don’t be lulled into complacency.  Experienced family lawyers will tell you that serious problems can arise when clients blindly trust their spouses to leave them alone and respect their privacy. Problems may also arise when clients simply fail to change how they think about and deal with privacy matters.

Protecting your privacy begins with you.

There are two areas that need your focus to the greatest extent feasible – your physical privacy and your digital privacy.

FOR EXAMPLE: A spouse uses an app to remotely control the security gate, alarm, and door locks to her residence. She is wholly unaware that her spouse hacked her smartphone and can open the gate, disable the alarm, unlock the door, and gain entry. A chilling breach of both physical and digital privacy.

Let’s start with the basics.

IMPORTANT PRIVACY STEPS IN DIVORCE

Important privacy steps in divorce.

Whether you expect the divorce to be amicable, high conflict, or somewhere in between, always take precautions to protect your privacy and security.

Start with these 9 basic steps:

1. Change your passwords. All of them. See our video: “How a Spouse Can Spy on You Using Your iPhone” at 12 minutes 25 seconds for our basic tips for password security.

• • Do this across the board, from email to financial institutions.

2. Set up a new email service in your name only.

• • Use this secure email account for privileged communications with your divorce attorney.

3. Open new accounts in your name only.

• • Set up 2-factor authentication. This is mission critical.
  • Don’t share any new passwords with your spouse. Don’t share them with anyone who might intentionally of inadvertently slip the information to your spouse.
  • Be vigilant. Be ready to change your password and immediately report any suspected breach to your legal team.

4. Tighten security settings on every computer, mobile device, and social media account you have.

• • Include smartphones, laptops, workstations, tablets, and other equipment.
  • Was your spouse the go-to computer person in the marriage? Tell your attorney if you have specific concerns about being tracked or spied on by your spouse.

5. Close all accounts shared with your spouse.

• • Include the family shared cloud storage account with Google Drive, OneDrive, Dropbox, or Sync.
  • Is a shared cloud account used in the family business? Talk to your attorney.

6. Get your own phone plan in your name only.

• • Do not share any new account information with your spouse!

7. Secure your residence.

• • Change the locks. Install a smart security system. Position cameras in key locations. Change passcodes or passwords on alarm systems.

8. Secure your documents.

• • Use a safe deposit box, home safe, or other secure location for storing files, documents, records, and the like, including things like your passport and health insurance information.

9. Be cautious and restrained with social networking.

• • Think carefully before deciding to email your spouse. The same applies to mutual friends or family members who might forward your email to the other party.
  • Don’t date. But if you do, don’t share that you are dating.
  • Don’t share any details about what your lawyer advised you. Don’t share what your child said your spouse did during parenting time. This kind of sharing should stop with a divorce.

AVOID SOCIAL NETWORKING AND SOCIAL MEDIA DURING DIVORCE

Can social media be used as evidence in divorce court?  Yes, anything you post online can be used against you as evidence in a family law case.  Online activities raise many concerns with divorce. What are your social networking activities? Are you publishing content on social media websites?

Should I delete social media when going through a divorce?  Unless enjoined from doing so, discuss this with your lawyer.  Your online presence can be highly scrutinized during the divorce (and after with child custody orders). The same goes for your spouse, of course. Any online incivility could come back to bite you, even after the divorce.

Again, be vigilant in protecting your privacy and reputation. In fact, why not take a social media sabbatical? At least until your case is closed.

SNOOPING AND SPYING in DIVORCE

SNOOPING AND SPYING in DIVORCE

Protecting your privacy and the security of your smartphone, email, and online communications is critical during the divorce.

Some spouses may attempt to spy on the other party’s iPhone or smartphone.

Do you have an iPhone? Change your Apple ID password immediately! This is the first step in eliminating security vulnerabilities. Protecting all confidential communications with your lawyer is particularly important. iCloud, Find My iPhone, iMessage, Find My Friends, Share My Location, My Photo Stream, and other apps, features, and settings can be used to spy on you.

To learn more about protecting your iPhone or Android smartphone from spying, watch How a Divorcing Spouse Can Spy on You Using your iPhone.

Don’t reveal too much on the internet during divorce.

Most experienced family lawyers advise clients to remove themselves from social media entirely.  There might be occasions when frustration exceeds patience. Venting via Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, X, WhatsApp, or whatever, may be momentarily cathartic. But it is a profoundly bad idea. Should anyone in your spouse’s camp get wind of it – including your kids – it could be used as evidence against you.

FOR EXAMPLE: After the babysitter arrives, the spouse heads out to a local nightclub with friends to have a few drinks and blow off steam. He shares a video, on TikTok, of the revelers drinking shots at the bar. It’s a bad look, no matter how you slice it.

Your emails, texts, and videos might seem innocuous to you, but they will be subject to interpretation. Opposing counsel could use your post to support his or her client’s position on an issue before the court.

• Did you make an admission against interest?
• Did your online statement contradict your courtroom testimony?
• Did you mention a paramour?

Free-spirited posting during divorce is detrimental to preserving privacy. Remember, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Do your best to avoid pitfalls and:

• Don’t open the door to further scrutiny.
• Don’t vent about the case.
• Don’t talk about anyone involved in the case. That includes your spouse, the attorneys, and the judge.
• Don’t talk about the experts involved in your case – not the mediator, child custody evaluator, forensic accountant, or mental health professional. Just don’t.

COURT DISCOVERY AND DISCLOSURE IN DIVORCE

The initial phase of divorce requires discovery and disclosure of information.

There is a right way and a wrong way to gather information about and from the other party. Even though you are married, there can be serious consequences for crossing the line into unlawful spying. Do you suspect someone is spying on you? Tell your attorney immediately.

Don’t eavesdrop on your spouse before or during divorce.  

Don’t eavesdrop on your spouse before or during divorce.

Electronic eavesdropping by recording phone messages, hacking into a spouse’s computer or e-mail account, and other clandestine activities can violate the law.

If you engage in electronic snooping:

1. You could be charged with a felony;
2. The court almost assuredly will throw out any evidence you uncovered illegally; and
3. You could alienate the judge. Why risk prejudicing the court against you in the divorce?

Talk to an experienced divorce lawyer. Obtain advice on how to preserve electronic information the legal way. Hiring a private investigator or forensic computer expert to lawfully obtain information is a possibility.

Learn more about Electronic Spying in Tennessee Divorce Laws.

MEDIATION AND NEGOTIATION IN DIVORCE

The goal is to protect your privacy at all levels during the divorce. How can you achieve that goal when the court requires in-depth disclosures? By utilizing alternative processes that keep private matters out of court.

There are ways to accomplish this:

1. By mediating issues with a professional mediator.
2. By negotiating a Marital Dissolution Agreement (or MDA) with the attorneys taking the lead with certain agreed upon non-disclosure protections in place.

Avoid public scrutiny by keeping almost all your personal details under wraps.

The Tom Brady and Gisele Bϋndchen divorce is a celebrity example of the private settlement process of mediation and negotiation. On October 25, 2022, Brady and Bϋndchen entered into a comprehensive Marital Settlement Agreement that incorporated a parenting plan for their two minor children. Days later, on October 28, Bϋndchen filed for no-fault divorce in Florida on grounds the marriage was “irretrievably broken.” Divorce filed, done, and ordered by the court.

All the hard work took place behind the scenes.

Spouses can begin negotiating settlements before either party files a divorce complaint. A default judgment is made possible if and when there are no disputed issues for the court the decide. Absent objection, the judge will order the divorce.

 Will there be a public record of your divorce? Yes.

Even though your divorce is a private matter, the records of your divorce are verifiable and may be inspected by the public. All documents filed with the Clerk of the Court are public records UNLESS protected from disclosure by statute, rule, or court order. In a divorce, either party can motion the court to order a filed document be kept under seal, but the Court does not have to allow that.

Your life doesn’t have to be an open book for anyone who wants to turn the page. Consult an experienced family lawyer for specific legal advice regarding your situation.

For more information, view:

• Electronic Spying in Tennessee Divorce Laws
• Surreptitious Digital Audio & Video Recording—Electronic Eavesdropping
• Divorce Spyware in Tennessee
• Hacking Computers, E-mail Accounts and Phones — A Big TN Divorce No-No
• GPS Devices For Spying in Tennessee Divorces
• Tennessee’s Federal Divorce Spyware Case – Jail Time & Heavy Fines
• Tape Recording Conversations Law & Reading E-mail in Divorce
• Electronic Surveillance Spying & Snooping May Be Illegal in TN Divorce
• Federal Laws on Spousal Spying and the ECPA